I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
