textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
