Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
