sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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