How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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