Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
