Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
