Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
