is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
