The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
