As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
