His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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