i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
