I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
