I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
