I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you had me at cake vodka
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
