need another drink. this is the easiest way
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize