I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
