my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
