if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
