Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
