My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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