Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
