I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
How's work?
Spinning.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
