I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
