tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
