He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
