I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
