Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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