Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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