I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
