oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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