I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
