If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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