So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
