Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
