I want to have your abortion
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
