glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize