cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize