Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
