what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
