I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
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