Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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