if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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