the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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