I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
