My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
