I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
