My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
