I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Acid is not a monday night drug
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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