i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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