Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize