it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
