Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
