you traded sex for a burrito?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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