just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
