I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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