DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
