to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
