You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
