Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
