i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she peed on how many people?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Boobs speak an international language.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
