My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Randomize
