How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
