You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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