I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
