dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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