The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
