My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
