she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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