I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
