final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
