I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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