Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
