i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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