Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
