I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
