My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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