Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
worst night to have a conscience
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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