So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
