Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
