i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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