Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize